TWENTY JOKES FOR MEN

TWENTY JOKES FOR MEN

Why did the supermodel stare at the orange juice carton?
Because it said concentrate.

What’s worse than male chauvinist pig?
A woman that won’t do as she’s told.

Why are hangovers better than women?
Hangovers go away.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
He died laughing before he could tell anyone.

Why did God make men first?
He didn’t want a woman looking over his shoulder?

What’s the difference between a wife and a wheelie bin?
You only have to take out a wheelie bin once a week.

How many women does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and moan.

Losing a wife can be hard.
In my case it was near damn impossible.

Wife: Let’s go out and have some fun tonight.
Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hall light on.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.

Why do women get married in white?
So they’ll match the household appliances.

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
They have experience pain and bought Jewellerey.

A man noticed his credit card had been stolen but didn’t report.
The thief was spending less than his wife.

What’s the best way to remember your wife’s birthday?
Forget it once.

How do you know when the honeymoon is over?
You ring home to say you’ll be late for dinner and the answermachine tells you it’s in the microwave.

Women have slight speech impediments?
Every so often they have to stop and take a breath.

Why did God create Eve?
To iron Adam’s leaf.

Why do women have small feet?
So they can stand closer to the cooker.

Why is a laundrette a bad place to pick up a women?
Because a women who can’t even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.